Candid Communication Important to Sexual Health

Why do some people seem to get everything they want in the way of romantic intimacy, while others cannot get even what they need? Being sexually successful is not a matter of how you look, how old you are, or how much you earn. It is more about your attitude, manners, and social skills.

Here are 10 commonsense tips on negotiating your way to great romantic intimacy.

1. First impressions count. Look and act your best. This is not the time to beat yourself up about your imperfections or to take out your frustrations with the world. This is the time to let a partner know that you are ready and able to have a fun time.

2. Pay attention. Take a few minutes to absorb some information about your potential partner. Get a sense of the kind of person she or he is – shy or aggressive, extroverted, or reserved? Then fine-tune your approach to him or her. People are not interchangeable; so do not treat everyone exactly the same way.

3. Be complimentary. Find something about the person that you like. Does he or she have nice hair or lovely eyes, a great figure or beautiful hands? Are they spiritual, intelligent, or funny? Learning to appreciate people’s qualities, and letting them know you do, is key to success in your romantic endeavors.

4. Leave the negativity at home. The kiss of death is when you bring tired old baggage into play. Romantic intimacy is about pleasure, fun, relaxation, healing, and connecting with another human being. Do not talk about your bad relationships or gas prices, bar fights or work frustrations. Focus on the good times you can have with this person, and not the bad times you have had with others.

5. Flirt. A whole book could be written on the subject, but suffice to say that flirting puts people in a good mood and warms them up sexually. Flirting includes can include paying compliments, making teasing comments or light-hearted jokes, and talking about fantasies or things you would like to do together. It does NOT include demeaning jokes, insults, or obscene language.

6. Ask for what you want. Asking does not guarantee you will get it, but it certainly improves your chances. Show or tell your lover what things excite you the most. If your partner needs some convincing, take baby steps towards your ultimate goal.

7. Control yourself. The difference between immature romantic intimacy and adult romantic intimacy is that adults learn to control their impulses. Unfortunately, way too many adults keep acting sex-crazed and immature long after it is acceptable or attractive. Sexual excitement is no excuse for trying to force someone to do things that make him or her uncomfortable. When your